She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
