Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
