I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You may now shotgun with the bride
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
