I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
