I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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