she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
