Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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