Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
