You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
