I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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