We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
