That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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