i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
