how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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