i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
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I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
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dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
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