Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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