Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
