Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
