What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You are a genius and a whore.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
