I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize