Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
