I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
