the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
