I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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