dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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