A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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