we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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