Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
