It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
