i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think my moral compass just broke
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
