this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
