The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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