I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
