please come you make the beer taste better
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
