I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
