She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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