absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
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Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
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I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wear drunk well.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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