Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And my parents said I crawled through the house
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I want a musical about memes.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
