I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
