Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He has the fingertips of a God
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
