i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
