Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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