she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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