I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
