Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
