the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't deserve a penis
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
