I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's shark week go big or go home
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
