Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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