hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
