My nipple is on Facebook.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
