filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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