We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
