i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Houston, we have a squirter
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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