yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
