She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
