Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
