So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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