she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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