He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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