I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
