my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
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