just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
